Paradoxical Irony: The Prequel: why (some) sequels (and prequels) don't cut it

Ok so the temptation was just too great. I only promised no sequels haha.

Well it's the age of remakes, sequels and prequels but some sequels just don't seem to live up to expectations. The top 3 reasons why:

1. Actors get old
15 years ago, while watching the brilliant Harrison Ford play Indiana Jones:
"OMG I didn't know you can jump from building to building just with your whip! OMG teach me teach me!"

At present, while watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
"OMG drink some Anlene dude. OMG I thought I heard your bones crack while you were sitting down."


2. Producers try too hard
Add more villains (SandMan, IceMan, woMan). Add more romance. Add more conflict. Add more CGI effects. Add more explosions. Add 3D effects to keep the crowd occupied with things zooming at their faces so that they do not notice the mediocrity of the story =). Add corny dialogue which may sound deceptively intellectual. ("You are my son, and I'm your father, and your mother is your mother. ")


3. The original movie sucks anyway, but the producers just don't get it
I know what you did last summer, garfield etc are some movies so lame I'd rather spend my time cleaning the longkang. Still the producers decide that the world has yet to see enough of all the nonsense. Thank goodness Halle Berry was made to swear never to make a sequel to Catwoman. Finally some common sense.


p.s. to all readers, please DON'T even try to make a movie out of Barney and Fiends (well, after all they are all monsters - oversized reptiles)

Paradoxical irony III - Whatcha say and whatcha mean

This is the last sequel I promise lol.


How to decipher corporate language:

DEAR SIR,

IN VIEW OF THE RECENT ECONOMIC CLIMATE, OUR COMPANY IS CONSOLIDATING ITS OPERATIONS.

Due to some bad decisions made by our highly overrated and incompetent CEO, we are going pokai so to make up for his dumbass-ess we are firing our staff.


WITH THIS IT IS REGRETTABLE THAT OUR COMPANY CAN NO LONGER ACCOMMODATE YOUR TALENT.

You happen to be one of the casualties. Muahaha.


YOUR SERVICE HAS BEEN AN ASSET TO THE COMPANY.

We kinda like you, but we are too busy saving our butts.


WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU CAN LEAVE THE OFFICE PREMISES ONCE YOU HAVE PACKED.

Don't make me call security.


WE WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE UNDERTAKINGS.

Pray hard that you can get employed.


YOURS TRULY,

Yes, you're fired.