Malaysian Night =)

Dear minions/blog readers/random stalkers who HAPPEN to stumble upon this blog,


YESTERDAY WAS AWESOME.

It was malaysian night at trafalgar square in London!!!

By the way the bowl above is an evil attempt to make your saliva drool. JEALOUS RIGHT????!! If you cant tell what it is (LOL) it's my semi-devoured bowl of Mee Goreng. It was awesome. Or maybe i was hungry.

Methinks there were at least 20 per cent of ppl there who were m'sians. It's really cool hearing all that manglish here =) And the best of all was the presence of Malaysian dignitaries. I shook hands with Health Minister Liow Tiong Lai! It was so surreal I had to buy some rendang to neutralise all that excitement. Oh yes and did I mention i clawed around to get my hands on a malaysian food discount card? It was fun. At least the non-existent queues reminded me of Malaysia =)

Sorry I only have pics of my mee goreng here =/ At least you wont find it elsewhere =)



I THINK I MISS MALAYSIA. A BIT =(

p/s: some1 told me blogs should b intellectually stimulating. I think my posts make an elementary school kid feel like Einstein.
p/s/s: at least i make elementary school kids happy

I miss college =(

Now that results are out, college journey has officially ended. No more association with college, except for that 'a' word, as in alumnus lol.

I think I wanna sound emo by saying that i miss college. The awesome friends, the kick-ass lab sessions, the sleepy classes, Ms Agnes' (very) frequent laughter, Ms Chandra's trick questions, Ms Lillian's smile, Ms Lourdes' sarcasm, Jeremy's mop-like supposedly Justin Bieber-ish hair, etc.

Then again, we move on. That's life I guess. It's just like we cant stick to roti canai all the time (my obsession with roti canai has being diagnosed - Roti canai Obsession Tantamount to Insanity or ROTI) It hasnt really sunk into me yet that we may never have a 100% attendance rendezvous. Well, some of you should get me lol.

I miss college =(

Why cant this post be more interesting?

Because my brain's dead from 99 hours of playing a certain game on the PS2 since the holidays HAHA.


"Change is the only constant" - Heraclitus


Ciao =/

4 ways to get rich

Well why is this post so random? Because it's what holidays do to people. They make you RANDOM. Like, totally. Yup, holidays again.

Ok back to getting rich (without the involvement of pyramid schemes). So how?

1. Invest in roti canai
Three years ago roti canai was probably RM 0.60 in most places. Now it may have skyrocketed to like RM1.20 in some places. Invest in roti canai at those places which charge exorbitantly for the coveted(?) piece of dough. You get 100% gain in three years just for doing that. You hear ka-ching in your bank account as cracking sounds of people munching on roti canai (garing) could be heard all over malaysia. Low risk investment - malaysians love roti canai too much to forgo this delicacy.

2. Invest in teh tarik
Teh tarik is to roti canai what coffee is to toast. No teh tarik to go with your roti, where can? IT'S ILLEGAL. Be warned. Increasing the price by 20 cents every two months is justifiable. People might grumble, but alas you can offer incentives. For instance, scratch and win contest for patrons who drink more than 100 cups of teh tarik, and they stand a chance to win two (2) roti canai (plus extra sambal). That should make people happily slurp on their teh tariks, while you happily bathe in their money.

3. Open a teh tarik + roti canai making college
With reference to 1 and 2, people will then realise how good it is to flip roti canais for a living. Hence a degree in Mamak Order of Nutritious Energy-inducing Yummy (MONEY) Food is extremely relevant (and profitable) in this age. Offer scholarships in the form of roti canai dough or condensed milk which can last them for a week's lessons, then, for the rest of the course, charge them a leg for giving them bar coded doughs and patented, fresh condensed milk, from the condensed cow.

4. Kill everyone else.
Well, when there's no comparison, you become the richest person in the world. Avoid mating with wolves, lest things may get hairy. Your descendants, most likely werewolves (Twilight?), might lay their paws at your non-existent assets. If so, repeat cycle, and voila, you're the richest person on earth again.



Told you the horrible things holidays can do to one's brains. Never believe me.

BM ku yang canggih

BM (Button Mushroom) ku hampir nak berkulat dan ber-fungi dah (yes, pun intended). Jadi mesti pakai BM dalam post saya ni =)

Hari ini saya bercakap dengan kawan imaginasi saya iaitu saya sendiri. Aduh, kesiannya budak tak guna ni.

Saya : Saya memang tak suka itu Untuk Penyeksaan beSar-besaRan (UPSR) kerana ia memang menyukarkan hidup.

Saya II: Taklah. Kan itu Pergilah Mampus alReady (PMR) lebih teruk?

Saya : Ya betul juga. Tapi saya rasa yang paling menyeksakan ialah itu Saya Punggung Meletup (SPM) yang tak guna tu.

Saya II: Tak juga. Yang paling teruk ialah a****l* (a-levels)

(kenapa dalam dialog pun ada benda macam ****? Tak tau lah, ini kan imaginasi saya. Saya ingat perkataan tu lubang keldai. Cis, tak guna betul)

HAHAHA syok sendiri betul ni

So long, a-levels. Hello, freedom =)))))) well, at least till uni =/

Paradoxical Irony: The Prequel: why (some) sequels (and prequels) don't cut it

Ok so the temptation was just too great. I only promised no sequels haha.

Well it's the age of remakes, sequels and prequels but some sequels just don't seem to live up to expectations. The top 3 reasons why:

1. Actors get old
15 years ago, while watching the brilliant Harrison Ford play Indiana Jones:
"OMG I didn't know you can jump from building to building just with your whip! OMG teach me teach me!"

At present, while watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
"OMG drink some Anlene dude. OMG I thought I heard your bones crack while you were sitting down."


2. Producers try too hard
Add more villains (SandMan, IceMan, woMan). Add more romance. Add more conflict. Add more CGI effects. Add more explosions. Add 3D effects to keep the crowd occupied with things zooming at their faces so that they do not notice the mediocrity of the story =). Add corny dialogue which may sound deceptively intellectual. ("You are my son, and I'm your father, and your mother is your mother. ")


3. The original movie sucks anyway, but the producers just don't get it
I know what you did last summer, garfield etc are some movies so lame I'd rather spend my time cleaning the longkang. Still the producers decide that the world has yet to see enough of all the nonsense. Thank goodness Halle Berry was made to swear never to make a sequel to Catwoman. Finally some common sense.


p.s. to all readers, please DON'T even try to make a movie out of Barney and Fiends (well, after all they are all monsters - oversized reptiles)

Paradoxical irony III - Whatcha say and whatcha mean

This is the last sequel I promise lol.


How to decipher corporate language:

DEAR SIR,

IN VIEW OF THE RECENT ECONOMIC CLIMATE, OUR COMPANY IS CONSOLIDATING ITS OPERATIONS.

Due to some bad decisions made by our highly overrated and incompetent CEO, we are going pokai so to make up for his dumbass-ess we are firing our staff.


WITH THIS IT IS REGRETTABLE THAT OUR COMPANY CAN NO LONGER ACCOMMODATE YOUR TALENT.

You happen to be one of the casualties. Muahaha.


YOUR SERVICE HAS BEEN AN ASSET TO THE COMPANY.

We kinda like you, but we are too busy saving our butts.


WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU CAN LEAVE THE OFFICE PREMISES ONCE YOU HAVE PACKED.

Don't make me call security.


WE WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE UNDERTAKINGS.

Pray hard that you can get employed.


YOURS TRULY,

Yes, you're fired.

Paradoxical irony II: Artificial Intelligence Vs. Natural Stupidity

This is the epic battle of the century: which reigns supreme? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

CASE 1
Artificial intelligence - superbly annoying analytical skills

INTERNET EXPLORER CANNOT DISPLAY THE PAGE.
THIS MAY BE DUE TO
a)THE WEBSITE FACING TECHNICAL ISSUES
b)YOU ARE NOT CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET

YOU MAY WANT TO REFRESH THE PAGE, OR RECONNECT TO THE INTERNET.

Ok, A.I looks like it gains the upperhand here. Coz it has the ability to make you feel really dumb.

BUT. The natural stupidity camp has George W. Bush. Don't misunderestimate him.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --George W. Bush in a speech in Washington, D.C.

I know, I know. Natural stupidity wins hands down.


CASE 2
Artificial intelligence - Can do integration in a matter of seconds
Natural stupidity - Can press calculator to do integration in a matter of seconds, but still get the answer wrong.

Again, natural stupidity wins.


CASE 3
Artificial Intelligence - the wonders of Google
Try to google "country name which starts with the letter "U"" and you may get millions of search results, of which may include totally unrelated dumbass stuff like "how to start to name U punya baby". Ok maybe not.

Natural stupidity - the sheer dumbness
A jounalist went on the streets in America to ask passers-by what seems to be the easiest question - which country name starts with the letter "U"?
"Erm, Uthopia?"

USA duh! Don't you like, listen to miley cyrus? The not so subtle surprise: not a person answered USA, although they freaking live there.

Well looks like it's 3-0 with natural stupidity emerging as the victor!

So I guess we shouldn't be afraid of robots taking over the world. We should instead embrace ourselves for stupidity reigning over homo sapiens. And maybe monkeys and gorillas. But mainly homo sapiens.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid. I think your IQ just dropped after reading this. *gulps*

yee sang phobia

For those who know not what yee sang is, it is a delicacy eaten during Chinese New Year (unique to Malaysia I heard), filled with multi-coloured crackers, pulps of pomelo, raw fish, and topped with some sour sauce. Sounds like some gastronomical delight, but I assure you it's absolutely horrible =) well at least for me. The history of my distaste for the ostensibly appetite whetting dish dates back to the days when I was a (terribly nasty) child, when a bad case of food poisoning (after eating yee sang duh) changed the course of my life forever. Ok I exaggerated, but you get my point. When I see yee sang, it's like seeing an old pair of socks: smelly, yucky, smelly, smelly. It's a violation of reasoning to eat old socks, hence I dont eat yee sang. Hey, they dont call me genius for nothing ok!

Nonetheless, "lou sang" or tossing the yee sang is considered auspicious so I happily oblige each year to lou sang. It's like tossing your enemy (old socks/yee sang/some one in class) and making them all dizzy muahahahahahahahahaha evilnessss.

CNY was short, but fun. Ever the good student, I paid visit to some teachers from my previous school and extorted money/collected ang pau from them. Realised I may not see them again in near future. Yes, this was probably my last year celebrating CNY in Ipoh, and yes, this emo-ness is contagious.

Then again, I need not eat/see/smell yee sang anymore. YAY!!!!!!!

Facebook horror

I tend to simply entertain friend requests on facebook without actually finding out who those people are.

There was once I added this person on facebook whose profile picture shows a girl sitting in front of the piano. Ok so the girl was kinda cute. I actually did make the effort of finding out who she is and to my surprise, her only friend on facebook was me.

*pin drop silence*

The more surprising part is that I ignored this fact and went to nap. Lol. Few days later I realised how potentially scary this may turn out to be but it was too late as I couldn't remember her profile name on facebook. He/she could be an armed and dangerous stalker. Damn I should've added her earlier.

Perhaps i'll look back one day and regret this decision, but if she really does kill me softly with her piano song, at least, please, play a good song. Like Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Lol

Moral behind the story: don't simply add strangers on facebook. I just added another 5 secs ago =)))))))))

p.s. happy valentine's day and have a gud cny ^^

I love my college

My college rocks. Here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. Scenic environment
Whoa this is especially so when it rains and you can see the workers enacting the breathtaking view of sweeping water from the corridor down 4 storeys. Niagara falls of Malaysia. Free admission. 'Nuff said.

2. The programme director's hairstyle
Shocking but true. Reminds students of Sun GoKu of Dragonball. Don't mess with the lady, or she might just give you a helicopter kick. Wait that's Chun Li.

3. Extreme weather simulations
The air cons can either be freezing cold or blazing hot depending on which classroom you are in. Hassle and baggage free virtual(ly real) experience of going to the Sahara or North Pole, which ironically, can be just next doors.

4. Music
The radios emit blasting decibels especially during events (of which nobody usually remembers why they are held). Free test to see if your ear drum is failing you, even in the midst of lessons. If it's too loud you're too old. Also, Beyonce goes well with calculus - when you integrate those curves. Gah the pun.

5. Ample neck exercise
It's always good to exercise when you're feeling restless. A surefire way is to start from the neck. The management has cleverly arranged tables in such a way that you'll have to turn your head with a frequency of 5o Hz. Behold the new generation of owls.

Spread the love, people!

Paradoxical irony

The last couple of days were predictably interesting.

First there was the rendezvous with former schoolmates who, to me, were distant yet familiar. We talked so much, but we hardly got to know much about what's going on in each other's lives of late - no thanks to the exchange of insults, which in our lingo, translates to how much we care for one another. Nay, I was seriously joking.

If you think the above is so confusing it almost made sense, the following would be so normal it'd blow your socks off. So fasten your seat belts, socks!

In class Ashveer, Tiffany and gang were amused at my wierd facial expressions. Ashveer says I'll have a show similar to the Jay Leno show or something. I'm planning to name it The Evil Retard Genius Show. Boy I hate how much I love his idea.

"If you can't convince them, confuse them" - Harry Truman

I love this clever quote. Stupid right?

KEPADA ENCIK POSMEN

Wahai para posmen yang hantar snail mail kepada rumah saya,

Sila tengok betul betul sebelum hantarkan mail kerana saya selalu dapatkan mail Monahendren. For your information nama saya Kevin Wong. Itu Monahendren tinggal di sebelah jalan la. Lousy punya posmen hantarkan dua mail yang sepatutnya berlainan address kepada saya serentak. Hello, one house can only have one address la. Kalau dikau send wrong lagi saya akan slap kau. Haha ku penge-slap yang keji.

Wah BM ku makin hari makin canggih. Boleh incorporate english juga. 1Malaysia ftw!

*******

On a side note, my apologies to aunt may. I hope u can survive the handbag slinging menace. I mean what can happen? Unless inside the handbag got rocks la. Or a ping pong bat which will make Michelle laugh. *jaws theme*

Off to fight the supervillian Insomnia!

judgement day

Not that this is the kind of Sarah Conner-Skynet-robots will rule the world-bla bla bla-lots of explosions type of Judgement day. This is worse. THIS IS IT!! (sorry MJ)

My mind is imagining things. My heart is spewing adrenaline. My hands are trembling in anticipation. And...I choose not to elaborate further on what's happening to the other part(s) of my anatomy. Oops this is such a giveaway.

(Ignore previous paragraph)

The mind ponders upon the things I'll do if I do badly. Options include:
a) jumping down from Burj Dubai
b) go on shopping spree
c) pee in the lab
d) do lots of integration
e) go to the Sahara and disguise myself as a camel and spend the rest of my life there. It's a desert out there.
f) paint the staff rooms black

(ignore previous paragraph)

Anyways I hope my friends who are facing the same predicament as me can stand against the boogeyman that is AS Results Day. Good luck to all =)

(I guess most people would've ignored this paragraph as well considering how much crass i'm blogging here. I insist that you be given an award for reading thus far. Why are you still reading this? Go panic, or sleep, or sumthing.


GO LA.

my day in point form

Today, I
- forgot it was ielts results day
- went to collect it with 30 per cent of pm4 in anticipation of their mockery if I failed
- thanked god for blessing me with an 8.5 score
- turned my head until kepala pening during maths
- tumpang-ed ashveer who was kind enough to drop me near AmCorp mall for my appointment although he ended up (ostensibly) being stuck in one of those legendary Federal highway traffic jams
- found out that Ju Ee applied for the same 4 out of 5 unis in UK
- realised this means I have a 0.2X0.2 chance of witnessing her out-of-this-world intelligence even in tertiary education if i study in UK
- thinks I've got the probability wrong
- well at least I remember how to do partial fractions =)
- cannot come up with something more interesting to blog about

even the post title is lame. urgh.

Sleep dept

sleep deprived-sleeps 7 hours a day-used to sleep 12 hours- miss afternoon naps- having afternoon nap insomnia-will die of cell degeneration at this rate-slaps self to keep self awake while typing this totally random post-so contradictory right this lame post-sleepy but cant fall asleep-talking crap-urgh AS results-urgh back to sulking about my inability to sleep

My sleep debts are getting insurmountable. If there's a sleep ah long collecting sleep debts, I'd been chopped to smithereens. you cant chop a person to smithereens technically, but then again there's no sleep ah long. So what man

AS RESULTS IN 5 DAYS TIME hence the insanity. Need to do caps locking coz somebody said I only hinted in my previous post. SO NOW HAVE TO DO IT NOT-SO-SUBTLY. HA. HA.

Stalker stalker where are you

STALKER
A person who follows and watches another person over a long period of time in a way which is annoying or frightening.

Anyways there is a stalker in all of us =)Michelle stalks people from Starbucks, Nadhi from her apartment unit, Amanda does extensive research on XXX and can sketch his face (esp the jaw bone) with eyes shut, and I stalk people from the ECA window (dont do anything silly in front of the gate lest you want me to see it =D)

People stalk for various reasons: too free/lifeless/bored/siao/"just happen to be there"/looking for prey/the list goes on.



oh just admit it stalkers out there =)))))


on a sidenote college was AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING-ly sleep inducing. For starters Ashveer doesnt respond to my wanna-kena-slap taunts =((((((((((( Bad bad Ashveer.

Anyways it should get interesting soon. AS results in 9 days!

tests galore

I've been through all sorts of tests recently. Driving, IELTS, then driving test again, only this time my mum is the examiner. She'll yell. She'll scream. She'll make good use of her lungs.

Thanks goodness IELTS was manageable. Other than speaking test which I'm not too confident of now.

EXAMINER: Do you go straight home after college?
ME: No la. Got TURN one.

Ok so it wasnt that bad. I was speaking nonsense at some point, and was hoping she (the examiner) would laugh at my jokes, but to no avail. Let's put a smile on that face now shall we?

Urgh. College begins in 3 days. I can't wait, but part of me dreads college. The homework, the results, A2. When will exam life be finally over? Exam life = homework before exam + stress during exams + anxiety after exams. Which is basically the entire semester.

I cannot wait.



Nah I was joking. I can wait. In the meantime can Mrs Mary extend our holidays? Like until 2109?

Dawn of nightmares

I just realised College starts next Wednesday and not Thursday. LOL! Have to go orientation on Tuesday summore. LOL-er! I kena marah (dramatically) by michelle coz I forgot about it. LOL-est!

Sigh guess it's a rude awakening to a slumber I thought would never end. Dammit.

p/s: according to the wise michelle LOL in BM is KKK (ketawa keluar kuat)
p/p/s: college starts in 5 days. er i lazy to count but sumwhere around there i guess
p/p/p/s: i havent done chem assignment, which is basically copy paste from mark scheme. No-brainer i guess
p/p/p/p/s: what if i start speaking manglish during ielts?

DONT MISUSE P/S LA EPIC IDIOT

The nightmare of (academic) college life is about to begin. Good night, and good luck. *laughs like a deranged maths teacher*

PENGUMUMAN

Helo wahai sekalian,

Lepas ku baca blog kat Michelle tu saya rasa saya perlu buat pengumuman yang penting iaitu saya telah lulus ujian memandu saya. Woo hoo! Maaf la Dewan Bahasa sebab takde versi BM untuk woohoo. Kalau ada cepat beritahu kat saya ya.

Sebenarnya saya telah lulus hampir seminggu tapi saya rasa tiada apa spesial pun. Eh mmg ada perkataan spesial tapi ku tak tau eja la. Mungkin sebab itu cacat punya sekolah pandu tangguhkan ujian saya hingga semua lembu pun dah balik rumah. Jadi ku pun tak rasa apa-apa pun walaupun telah pass itu test. Bodohnya sekolah pandu saya. Ada lagi ke adjektif yang lebih ekstrim? Sebab bodoh itu bunyinya biasa je. Tapi saya syukur kerana boleh dapatkan lesen saya setelah sekian lama.

Lebih baik lambat daripada tidak bergerak langsung - Kelirukan Kami (Confusius a.k.a Confuse Us)

Eh cukup la dengan quote kamu tu. Lu ingat seronok ke ha?

Kalau saya hantarkan ini kepada Kementerian Pendidikan, mungkin A1 BM saya akan di-review. Oh tak peduli la.

Oh saya harap blog post ni tak timbulkan kontroversi sebab BM ini yang teruk. KKDL (Ketawa Keluar Dengan Lantang - Laugh Out Loud a.k.a LOL) Sebab tu la saya kurang suka BM. Panjaaaaaaaaang sangat.

Ok saya janji akan post Bahasa Cina lain kali ya! Harap-harap la Kementerian Pendidikan tidak me-review A1 untuk BC saya.

Reality sinks in

Now that all the hype about the new year is over, it's time to wake up. Hello, lu belum buat homework lu. If I had a tonne of homework, I'd finished like, 2 milligrams of it. Yay!! Probably skipping physics homework. Maybe I'll complete half of maths. Chem, I leave it into the hands of my more capable group mates =) Nah just pulling your leg. Will probably do a bit of chem. I can never remember what to do though.

The holidays have been like Singapore, Ipoh, food, food, driving, food, driving test postponed, food, food, cough, stomach ache, driving, flu, driving test postponed, driving test postponed, IELTS, christmas, IELTS test, friends, movies, driving test (finally) and food. Hectic, but felt like I've done nothing productive at all *slaps self*

Dammit. How to intergrate 2 cos squared 2 thetha? Die. What's the difference between amino acid, amine and amides? Die.

I dunno what or how 2010 will be like. I'm guessing it'll be a lot of intergrating amines. Integrate amine = amides.

The suspense is killing me.